I happened to meet a friend of mine quiet by accident after a very long time. She had joined a spiritual movement when she was very young. Back then she was totally convinced she will be a tool to “save the world”. Well, according to the original plan they were supposed to have saved it some two years ago. You and I both know, for heaven’s sake, they haven’t even begun saving themselves! And she says to me, “You know it was such a great idea. What a great vision to have. Too bad it didn’t work out. But I still want to embrace the true essence of the cause.”
That was a ‘come-alive’ moment to me. This is exactly how people make a fatal mistake, a grievous error that could cost them their life, be it in career or romance or business or personal life. Do you see the thread?
Let me draw a parallel. The American company Enron’s meteoric rise to popularity and its even faster bankruptcy was quiet popular a few years ago. the sailiant feature of its great fall was that its executives never admitted to having made a large mistake. When it reached unmanageable proportions and required an actual policy change they only said, “too bad that didn’t work out – it was such a good idea – how are we going to hide it in our balance sheet” while they should have actually said “Oh how stupid we have been”, they should have said, “it now seems obvious in retrospect that it has been a terrible mistake from the beginning.” But No! Its CEO even testified that Enron had been a great company.
In the face of our blunders most of us do not admit to them. Oh yes, we admit to small local errors not to big global mistakes. When we admit only small local errors, we only make small local changes. The motivation for a big change comes from acknowledging a big mistake.
I had made two very big, really big mistakes in my life. The two were similar and i was not thinking clear enough in the aftermath of the first one, so I repeated it the second time around. After I had finally and fully admitted my mistakes, I looked back upon the path I had travelled upto my awful realization. And I saw that all along I was making a series of small concessions, grudgingly conceding each opinion, realizing as little as possible of my actual mistake on each occasion, admitting failure only in small tolerable bites. I would have been so much ahead by now if I had only screamed “OOPS!” sooner. And each time I cheated myself: “I must raise the level of my game” was my thought. I would never accept it was a wrong game.
The realisation was humbling. Sometimes it is very important to acknowledge a fundamental problem, instead of dividing it into tinier and more palatable mistakes. There is a very powerful incentive in admitting to big mistakes. It is painful. It can also change your whole life. Well, I dont mean we should feel great here and be proud of “admitting to mistakes”. It is obviously a much superior thing to get things right the first time around. But when you do slip, it is easier to take one great fall and turn tail than many smaller falls that lead you deeper and deeper into the swamp.
It is very important to have this ton-of-bricks-falling-over-your-head- moment.
Since my”awakening” to my own stupidity I am watching a lot of people go through the same motions, make their small concessions, grudgingly concede each millimeter of their ground, never admitting a big mistake when they could a small one and enduring misery. Instead of taking one terrible blow they would like to be beaten around endlessly with lesser pain.
Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t stretch out the battle with yourself for years to come. Don’t say “It was a great idea. Too bad it didn’t work out. I still want to embrace the essence of whatever I am attached to”, when you can say “I have been a fool!”
Take it in one terrible blow. Say “oops!!” And move on!